Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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