6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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