I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
