Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
