Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
love makes seman taste better
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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