The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
