I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
