sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
