I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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