He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
