Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
