Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
