We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
