Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
