There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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