dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
