I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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