Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
