At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
