DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
