He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
