ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Moan for me like Helen Keller
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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