Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
