We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
