I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
