Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
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Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
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debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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