Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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