all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
