bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
