ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
