fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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