This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
