Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
one might say we're banned from that church
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
