Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
