I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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