my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
