we have officially lost it.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
