i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Randomize
