Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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