It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
