God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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