Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
