So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
