I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
