I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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