Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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