the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
