now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
