So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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