Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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