I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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