yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
