i just had sex bonerless
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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