My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
