6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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