OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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