Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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