Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
