She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
