2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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