I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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