I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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