i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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