I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
