I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
