I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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